i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
