I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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