Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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