Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
