I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
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I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
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My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise