I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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