So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
