I CAN MOONWALK!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
