I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
