ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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