i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
