can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
