i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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