wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
