last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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