I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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