its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
