1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
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I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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