We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
