we're chasing vodka with high fives
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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