He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
