Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
