I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
