and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
