I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
