"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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