We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
