I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
