"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
