How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
