sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
