WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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