Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
