Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You can't special order awesome
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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