When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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