i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
