You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
