if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
