Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize