Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
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