I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
