Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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