i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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