youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
