Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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