Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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