Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's blow job season.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
