Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
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But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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