i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Someone came in the potted fern
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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