the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
