My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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