So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sext me about skeletons
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
