I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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