I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
