Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
