New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
