I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
