my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
