In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
