Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
They have beer where we have blood.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize