she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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