i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
