Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize