I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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