You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
