I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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