the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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