How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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