y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
