you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
