I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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