We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
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What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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