I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
