I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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