OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
