Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
