A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the day after is always just damage control
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
