I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
