i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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