So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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