I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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