But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
