Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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