I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
