There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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