the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
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i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
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In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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