saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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