You're like the curious george of whores
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
