somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
